About Cynical Times

The Cynical Times is a Liberal news organization which champions the faltering middle class, painful truths, and pro-democracy groups like Occupy Wall Street.

Cynical embraces the traditional Liberal principles of democracy, equality freedom and regicide. Just like America’s Founding Fathers, the British Roundheads, the French Girondins, and the Russian Kadets.

Cynical’s brand of punk journalism is all about empowering those who still champion the traditional American values of duty, honor, honesty, compassion, fair play and the greater good.

Our unapologetic voice seeks to reflect the scrappiness and directness of America’s embattled working class communities, while exposing the predatory elites waging class warfare against them. That means we use foul language from time to time and offend just about everybody, instead of seeking to build our audience by pandering to the crowd. 

We oppose the symbiotic corruption of America’s Democratic and Republican political machines and the fiduciary duty which requires corporate CEOs to place “profits over people.” We also oppose the rise of the new U.S. caste system embodied by the political aristocracy in Washington, D.C. and the self-described “masters of the universe” on Wall Street.

Fuck them.

In our America, there are no First Class Citizens with unlimited access to U.S. justice, democracy, education, medicine and education. While the rest of us ride coach.

We’re hip to the knowing lies of The Far Right and Corporate Dems, which are meant to trick the masses into voting against their own interests. These include:

-Misrepresenting Liberalism

Rebranding Liberalism as the rich hypocrisy of Corporate Dems like Hillary Clinton, Cory Booker, Charles Schumer and Nancy Pelosi. There’s nothing Liberal about these modern day royals.

-Misrepresenting The Government Regulatory Debate

The real debate about government regulation is between efficient regulation and inefficient regulation. It’s not a choice between deregulation, industry self regulation, and over-regulation.

-The Taxes Versus Fees Shell Game

While publicly railing against scaled taxes, the Far Right is raising government revenue via higher usage fees for government services, like court costs and vehicle registration. It’s also enacting new ones, like cellphone charges.

-Rigged Elections

Just about everyone in America wants to rein in Wall Street excess, which has left 40 percent of those over the age of 16 without full-time jobs. However, we almost never have a candidate like Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren who favors bank reform.

From either party.

In any election.

That’s not a coincidence. That’s a rigged election in which the corporate sellout always wins.

We call “bullshit.”

-Misrepresenting The Gun Control Debate

The Far Right misrepresents this public policy discussion as an all-or-nothing battle for the right to bear arms. It’s not. It’s a discussion about what form those arms may take, which is something the government traditionally has regulated.

The Cynical Times supports a complete ban on civilian ownership of automatic and semi-automatic weapons. We believe citizens can do what they need to do with bolt action rifles, pump shotties and wheel guns.

We believe the current climate of mass shootings undermines American democracy, by turning the masses against eachother. Instead of the super rich.

Cynical does not believe owning a weapon of mass destruction is a private choice.

-Misrepresenting Religion

The Far Right champions organized religion because it allows them to control the masses via unelected religious leaders. Not because the Party of Class Warfare embraces morality or the greater good.

This is the reason it’s undermining the separation of church and state and using school vouchers to starve the public education system of funds. It’s also the reason for the battle over abortion.

Cynical believes abortion is a private choice. Just like religion.

We want abortion to be available and affordable to all, without becoming a substitute for impulse control and birth control devices. We’re open to income-neutral measures which punish those who repeatedly use abortion as birth control. Just like a scaled speeding ticket in Sweden.

-Enacting Term Limits and Unlimited Bribery

The U.S. Congress has been turned into a veritable House of Lords by the two big political parties, which now sell political protection to Wall Street the way the mob once sold it to Wiseguys. These treasonous Americans have legalized bribery by permitting payoffs to be disguised as excessive speaking fees and book deals, and charitable donations.

The Cynical Times supports the complete revocation of the Citizens United ruling, which allowed unlimited political donations in 2010. We want to return to the $2,500 individual cap.

Cynical supports term limits capping the accumulated time Americans can serve in state and federal elected office at 20 years. Combined.

Cynical opposes the 2012 Occupy Law preventing Americans from peacefully protesting those protected by the Secret Service. Which is really just a camouflaged attempt to insulate our nation’s reprehensible lawmakers from the embarrassing public condemnation they so richly deserve.

We support capital punishment for political corruption, and would like it to be retroactive.

-The Me Too Movement

Me Too is another attempt to create a caste system which elevates the rich and famous above their fellow Americans. It advances the myth that only their suffering matters, by ignoring the suffering of the masses at the hands of the very same suspects.

Me Too also advances the myth that every allegation is legitimate in a nation where 60 percent of homicide arrests are dismissed, via its ridiculous “Do You Believe Women” slogan.

At Cynical the answer is a resounding “no.” Just as it would be if the Patriarchy asked if we believed men.

It’s a ridiculous question and a ridiculous slogan, which treats women as lesser citizens in need of greater help. Rather than equals.

The Cynical Times supports the stagnant Equal Rights Amendment and the traditional feminist goal of legal equality. We oppose any attempt to replace the ruling Patriarchy of rich male corporatists like Bill Clinton and Bush with a ruling Matriarchy of rich female corporatists like Hillary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Eff that noise. Identity politics is unAmerican. We think we can do better.